Kevin Kietzman Wants To Steal Your Summer And It’s Only April

“Between the Royals’ improvements and the Royals’ bullpen, I’ve got them finishing second [in the ALC].”
Buster Olney, ESPN MLB writer, on his preseason prediction for the Royals, 810 AM
GH: Buster’s preseason optimism for the Royals is not being met with many like minds locally here in Kansas City. 25 years of bad baseball will do that to a media and fan base. But should we be this down about an 0-2 Royals’ team on April 4th? Kevin Kietzman is almost giddy with excitement over the Royals being off to a poor first week. Read on.

“I don’t like always being right. … Will the Royals be over .500 at any point this year?”
Kevin Kietzman, after the Royals opened the season 0-2, 810 AM
GH: You can hear the glee in KK’s voice as he announced the Royals’ first two losses of the season during his afternoon show this week. When he discussed the two runs the Royals scored in Chicago on Wednesday, he made sure to point out that one of the runs was “COMPLETELY unearned.” Which I guess in his mind is somehow different than just unearned. Hey, we all like to be right – but KK comes off sounding like as an ass with his victory dance after every Royals’ loss two games into the season.

“To avoid a disastrous start, this team has got to find a way to win two of the next four. They have to! They’ve GOT to go 2-2 in their next four. They’ve got to!”
Kevin Kietzman, 810 AM
GH: The Royals opened with a three-game road series in chilly Chicago and then have three more in Philly against a very good Phillies team they will have to face without a DH. That is not a Bill Snyder-esque schedule. Yes, it would be great to see the Royals get some wins this week, but the season isn’t over with a poor first week – even as much as KK would like it to be.

“If Billy Butler was here – and I consider him a friend, we’ve done some charity work together – he’d whack me over the head with a stick…but did he have extra clothes on [Monday] or what? I’m going to go ahead and say it – Butler’s not going to do what he did last year.”
Kevin Kietzman, 810 AM
GH: People who have celebrities as friends don’t feel the need to mention they have celebrities as friends. But I’m all for Butler whacking KK with a 34-ounce Louisville Slugger.

“I’m on a lonely island. I still think Alex Gordon has been a disappointment.”
Kevin Kietzman, 810
GH: Gordon is a two-time Gold Glove winner and the Royals’ best hitter after Butler. He is also a high-character person who is just entering his peak years as a baseball player. Gordon’s biggest sin when it comes to Kietzman is he played his college years at Nebraska. Nothing – and I mean nothing makes KK see red like a link to the hated Cornhuskers.

“I want everybody to know that I think Alex Gordon is a good player… Alex Gordon is the General Manager’s or the statistician’s dream! I need Alex to hit. When I watch him he looks like he LOVES to walk!”
Kevin Kietzman, 810 AM
GH: When Danny Clinkscale disputed KK’s claim [yes, he did] with some facts – like Gordon had 73 walks in 721 plate appearances in 2012, KK said, “One out of 10 times?” and then quickly went to commercial.

“I’m really, really concerned that Eric Hosmer is a project right now.”
Kevin Kietzman, 810 AM
GH: If Hosmer and Moustakas don’t turn into the players we all hoped they would become, the Royals are in for some more rotten summers. But these are the guys the Royals drafted, developed and told us would make a difference. I am not ready to give up on them or this season just because the squad is 0-2. This – April and hope — are all Royals fans have. We have the summer to bemoan our fate if this team heads south. But April is for rooting, hoping and thinking things could be different. KK wants to steal that from you, from me. Well, not gonna happen to this guy.

“Sometimes you get it right, Jack. A little trial and error goes a long way.”
Kevin Kietzman, responding to Jack Harry complimenting KK for having a wife who will be watching the Final Four with him in a tiki hut while they are on their island vacation, 810 AM
GH: A not-so-subtle shot at the mother of KK’s kids? Classy move for a radio host with a 50,000-watt microphone and an ex with a radio.

[email protected] and Twitter / greghall24

About Greg Hall

Software guy who has been writing my Off The Couch column in KC newspapers, publications and websites since 1994. Has been bounced from some of the finest media establishments this side of State Line Road. Dad first and everything else second...and there are a lot of everything elses.
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32 Responses to Kevin Kietzman Wants To Steal Your Summer And It’s Only April

  1. kcredsox says:

    How I love the flaming Kevin Kietzman columns. I was looking forward to a certain Prairie Village incident to be brought up, oh well, maybe next time.

    Keep it up Greg!!!

  2. i-pod says:

    pardon my french, but fuck Kietzman

  3. Jim says:

    Can we just agree that KK is a complete douche in all aspects of life? He freaking HATES Gordon and never misses an opportunity to blast him. Any product of Nebraska is total shit in KK’s book.

    His favorite saying is, “I’m the only one saying these things!” No, Kevin. There are PLENTY of people that think the Royals are going to be…..well……the Royals. Count me among them. They are going to be sub .500 again. Really going out on a limb there, Kev. You only have 25 years of history to make that prediction.

  4. Gavin says:

    “. . .April is for rooting, hoping and thinking things could be different. KK wants to steal that from you, from me.”

    Kietzman may be an asshole- strike that, Kietzman absolutely IS an asshole, but he didn’t steal anything from me. The Royals did that and a long time ago. Kietzman is just gleefully reminding me of it. And I refuse to emotionally invest in the Royals until they give me a reason. I’ve been burned too many times to let that happen again. I’ve never lived in Missouri, but I’m practicallya corss the street from it and some of it must’ve rubbed off becuse they’re gonna have to show me.

  5. Hoppy says:

    KK is what everybody says he is and has some sort of personal thing with Gordo, Gordo is one of the few positive things about this laughingstock of an organization and KK will go every measure to point out something that he deems is wrong with him. I think he has snubbed KK with an interview or something petty like that. (if its strictly b/c he went to NU then God help him). But Greg as much as it pains me to say this, he is much more close to being right with his gloom and doom outlook than you are with your glass half full outlook with your sprinkled in “expert” quotes who are just regurgitating what GMDM gives them.. I know you’ve covered, rooted, and watched this team/organization for years and I have zero idea why you think this season will be any different. KK is probably dead on with Hos and Moose, they look like busts to me as well. The difference b/w him and I though is i genuinely hope that I’m wrong. At least they are contractually obligated to “come to play” so we have that going for us.

    • Greg Hall says:

      Hoppy, I am not predicting a breakout season for the Royals but I am willing to allow April and May play out before I move into Chiefs’ preseason mode. This is a Royals team that appears to have a chance — decent starters, a quality pen and our young position players now in place. I am going to enjoy that chance while the flame still flickers.

  6. Joe Blow says:

    KK and Rany should just join forces and have an entire show where each of them constantly proclaims that they’re way, way smarter than everybody actually employed by an MLB team. They could even bring in Mellinger as the court jester..

  7. P says:

    KK is still a huge douche…but I’m with him on the Royals. They’re starting horrible and baseball is a huge momentum/mojo game. They need wins in a hurry. The thing that annoys me is they tear it up offensively in fucking pre-season worthless baseball and promptly come out and take a shit on home plate when the games count. But yes, KK is still a humongous douche.

    Like many posters on here, I refuse to buy and of the crap the Royals are selling until they start showing some fucking results.

  8. MightyMo says:

    KK can’t take anything from me that the Royals didn’t already take. What’s next? Is he going to tell me that Mizzou will not make the Final Four next year. Or the Chiefs won’t win the Superbowl? Or that KU will win the league in Big XII basketball? Or that Bill Snyder sat next to Christ at the Last Supper?

  9. Mike says:

    I’m not enamored with the Royals’ start either, especially their early inability to extend their order of the inning, and the inability force the opposing pitcher into jams, especially in counts at the plate, or in total pitch counts. Offensively, I’m nervous. But Kietzman needs to back off the Debbie Downering of things.
    I’m beginning to think KK still has a chip on his shoulder from when WHB paid a ton of cash for the Royals radio rights, only to have the privilege of associating with perhaps the bleakest years in Royals history, when the Glass family was at the height of cheapness and franchise destruction. I think KK still harbors resentment at that disaster of an investment that UB made in ’03.

  10. The Smartman says:

    KK’s self loathing is becoming more and more apparent. Despite his pile of cash and ratings victories underneath that pasty white girly man frame is a very sad and disappointed little boy. He’s a big fish in a small pond. He’ll never be a Costas or a Nance, which is how he sees himself. Some sort of Karnac The Magnificent seer, sage, soothsayer of sports that we should all bow down to.

    The fact that people still listen to him and are entertained or informed is incredible. Listening to KK is the equivalent of looking at titty shots in Playboy circa 1973. All 610 needs to do is go all Hustler and Barely Legal and he’s done. It’s not that hard. The first thing you do is send your new
    un-named and masked host over to 810 and stomp his ass in the parking lot, ala the Iron Sheik, put it up on you tube, especially the part where he starts crying, cause you know he will, run a billboard campaign with the still’s under the headline Who’s Your Daddy?

    Then your first promotion is to give away a vintage Hummer. Second promotion is you give away the legal services for a divorce lawyer. Are you hearin’ me over at 610? You need more ideas or you just wanna hire me to run the fucking station?

  11. The Smartman says:

    How anyone can say that Jimmy Fallon is the “new Carson” is beyond me. Guess it’s all payback for not telling anyone about Lorne Michaels banging Tina Fey. Maybe Fallon can make Mike McCrary his Ed McMahon.

  12. sirr parker says:

    Post of the year.

  13. Java Man says:

    “Steal your summer” . Exactly.
    162 games, why can’t some of these baseball “fans” enjoy at least a month or two before they start sounding like a bunch of sad sacks. I’ve looked forward to the season since last November.

  14. chuck says:

    If the Royals keep losing, I have a realistic solution for we fans.

    Replace Denny Matthews with the “Gaslight Grill Guy”.

    Everyone is unconcious by the third inning.

    Someone has gotta do something.

    You’re welcome.

  15. Good ol’ KK — always reinforcing his stature in my mind as one person whom I would never want to meet in real life.

  16. rico suave says:

    best KC radio sportstalk show was back in the 90’s with the old drunk guy, a young Petro , and a young Whitlock.

    1510 . Im guessing.

    I’d listen to them while driving for work.. and would be late to appts. as I would sit in the parking lot listening til the end of he segment.

    Pete Enich was his name (just remembered)

  17. E. Jack Hewlett says:

    the only reason to listen to KK is the curiosity of listening to the externalized thoughts of a man with a severe persecution complex and an extreme case of small penis syndrome who happens to have a 50KWatt platform to express the depths of his neuroses. It’s fascinating in a way, even if at times it’s a little bit tiresome.
    Today, KK went on about how people were “appalled” that he would suggest that Wichita State had a chance to make the Final Four. “Appalled”, really? What kind of off-base personality uses a term like “appalled” to describe how a listener would react to a prediction about a basketball game. The guy is a nutcase, pure and simple. He either has Daddy or Mommy issues, maybe both, and possibly had some severe trauma during potty training. I’m surprised we’ve never heard that he’s addicted to vicodin.

  18. Splitlog Quindaro says:

    Listening to 26 year olds talk about their apartment, their sidekick’s ugly girlfriend, their dog, their hangover, their iPad, or the NBA is chalkboard scratching radio for old guys with money to spend on college and Chiefs season tickets, grills, cars, diamonds, and divorce lawyers.

    KK affirms that the meaningful demo for talk radio in the midwest is old guys with money. KK relates to his demo. If you are going to go against him you better do a better job at relating to that demo… or do something really compelling. Whitlock and Maas came the closest to tipping KK. There were just too many side issues there… but they appealed to that demo.

    No one has come close since.

  19. As an old guy without money, I’m glad to hear that they’re at least trying to appeal to half of me. But I always thought it was the 18-34 demo that’s most crucial? Not that I really know. I haven’t done any radio in 25 freakin’ years over here.

    • This was intended as a reply to Splitlog Quindaro immediately above. But us old guys without money just can’t quite get the hang of how to run an internet. But at least I have an internet, Larry Smith.

  20. JP says:

    As you noted Greg, KK’s comments with the Royals are mainly personal. He is still PO’d that they invested a lot of money and carried the Royals during the worst period of Royals Baseball in history. Hell, it may have been the worst period for any MLB team in history. Regardless, when you listen to KK, you have to know his agenda, then his opinion makes sense.

    BTW, after the first week of games last year, the Royals were 3-3. In 2011, they started 4-1. It’s the first week of baseball. Don’t judge this team until at least 30-40 games. Their pitching will keep them in many games. As Greg noted, they got no favors from the schedule maker, opening in Chicago, then being the home opening opponent for the Phillies. Relax, let the season play out a bit, before making your final opinions. Otherwise, you are just as bad as ….well KK. There is no must win baseball in April. That is a fact.

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