OTC: Mellinger’s List Of All-Star Worsts / KK Wants To Embarrass David Glass

The Kansas City Star’s Sam Mellinger was asked via Twitter what was the worst that could happen while KC hosts the All-Star Game.  Here is Sam’s list of the top five…along with my OTC treatment.

1.       Oklahoma Joe’s serves bad meat.
GH: Almost no chance of this happening, but OJ’s is far from KC’s signature BBQ joint. I love their food, fries and service but how “Kansas City” can a place be when they’re from Oklahoma? When someone asks me where to get the best BBQ in town, I tell them Jack Stack’s for brisket and beans, L.C.’s to avoid the crowds, Gates for the sauce and the spicy “HI, MAY I HELP YOU” greeting, Bryant’s on Brooklyn for quantity and the original cuisine and OJ’s for sandwiches and fries. Ribs are just too subjective to offer one definitive opinion. I like Jack Stack’s baby backs but others prefer Gates’ crunchy crust. Let’s just say if you are from out of town, you have almost no chance of not being impressed with whatever BBQ fare you sample.

2.       Bud Selig faints from the heat.
GH: Selig going down here in Kansas City might earn our town legendary status. But the latest weather forecasts call for two of the summer’s coolest days to land on Monday and Tuesday! Looks like most of the heat will be directed at Robinson Cano for his Billy Butler snub. Depending on how united Royals’ fans get during the HR Derby, that scene could get pretty wild. Any chance Nate Bukaty goes White-Trash-Sox on Cano by jumping the rail and pummeling him in the on-deck circle?

3.       A tornado rips through the Plaza.
GH: If Aunty Em pays us a visit during All-Star week, almost every cliché and fear the coastal crowd harbors about this part of the country would take on biblical meaning. But tornado season ended in May, so we have a better chance of a cow or two getting loose and trampling a New Yorker.

4.       People see Kent Babb and think we’re all like that.
GH: Babb is a USC grad – but not the good USC. He is a Gamecock from South Carolina. That is a Trojan of another color. While Babb (like most USC fans and grads) is likely still evolving, he is Einstein compared to 610’s Bob Fescoe. If All-Star visitors hear Fescoe’s show and think he grunts for us, expect the out-of-town media to paint us as if Jesse James still rides here.

5.       Carlos Beltran and Melky Cabrera hit back-to-back home runs to win it for the National League.
GH: This would be awful. I can imagine David Glass and Dayton Moore taking back-to-back swam dives out of the press box if this happens. And I wouldn’t be too sure that they weren’t pushed. How do you think the KC crowd will react to these formal Royals? Beltran is now a Cardinal so he has zero chance of getting any love. Melky was only here one season but he has Jonathan Sanchez’s fallout to overcome. Both probably get Canoed.

“What would happen if we had a plane fly a banner over the stadium before the [All-Star] game that said, ‘Sell the team.’ Wouldn’t that be a kick in the pants? … We’ve got other billionaires in this town that could buy and sell [David Glass] a couple of times over.”
Kevin Kietzman, calling for Glass to sell the Royals, 810 AM
GH: Kietzman is pushing for the ownership group of Sporting Kansas City to buy the Royals. Garmin’s CEO, Min Kao, lives in Mission Hills. According to Forbes he is worth $1.8 billion and the top-ranked KC-area person on their list of the 400 wealthiest people in America. Donald Hall of Hallmark is worth about $1 billion. The Forbes list shows no Kansas City, MO residents on its list of the 400 wealthiest people in America. Read on.

“Boy, you’ve got more money than you know what to do with if you’re going to waste it on that thing. He ain’t gonna sell the team, buddy.”
Jack Harry, on KK’s banner idea, 810 AM
GH: I think Glass loves being a MLB owner and I think MLB loves David Glass. But Dan Glass might be willing to sell the Royals if he and his family inherit the team. Can you imagine this franchise run by the ownership of Danny Boy? Beanies for everybody!

“Why doesn’t one of these guys just step aside and let [Billy Butler] in there? There is no reason why you can’t have a local guy in there.”
Jack Harry, on Butler being left out of the All-Star home-run contest, 810 AM
GH: The solution is to include a hometown team of sluggers in the first round of the homerun derby. Allow the Royals to pick four players to compete with the four-player American and National teams. This would allow the best sluggers to participate from both leagues and give the hometown fans something to cheer. BTW, I found this analysis of the HR Derby online and it might be the most detailed breakdown on each contestant available.

“He reminds me of a young Buck Martinez. I wish! He’s one of the best young catchers I’ve ever seen come into the game. Having watched him, he really understands that he’s in charge of the game. And the pitchers trust him.”
Buck Martinez, former Royals’ catcher and current broadcaster for Toronto, when asked his opinion of the Royals’ Salvador Perez, Royals Radio
GH: Perez is proving to be even better than advertised – and he has been advertised by some as the next Johnny Bench! When you consider the Royals best young players are at catcher, first, short and third, it makes you salivate for a great centerfielder to top off that core of talent. Is that Lorenzo Cain? Is it Wil Myers? How about Cain in center and Myers in right? That is a team that should be very fun to watch over the next five years – especially if Dayton Moore can find some pitching.

“We’re going to get this pitching straightened out. I promise and guarantee you we’re going to get this straightened out.”
Dave Eiland, Royals’ pitching coach, 610 AM

“Danny Parkinson? … You’re shaking so much I thought you had Parkinson Disease.”
George Brett, in typing a tweet as he spoke to Danny Parkins, the 610 Sports host, 610 AM
GH: Parkins sounded a bit miffed when he responded with, “I’ve never heard that joke, George.” I thought it was an odd retort from Parkins, but maybe he thinks Brett should know who he is. Parkins must go through life disappointed much of the time.

“How can Major League Baseball possibly tell us that we can’t put that in there? We’re scared enough that we’re covering [the ad] up. We had interns down here taping a gray piece of paper on all 30,000 copies. It’s really hurt our distribution.”
Kevin Kietzman, on an ad for country singer Luke Bryan promoted his appearance at a local venue in an All-Star Game publication produced by Union Broadcasting, 810 AM
GH: Bud Selig will be touring Kansas City neighborhoods this weekend to make sure your kids aren’t playing with non-MLB trademarked equipment. Lew Perkins would fit in well with MLB.

“Johnny Damon’s left arm doesn’t stop the running game, it emboldens it. So when Damon throws out a runner, it’s not just an assist, it’s a happening. Well, a happening took place Wednesday and Damon missed it. He threw a strike from along the left field grandstand to get Albert Pujols trying to stretch a single into a double for the last out of the third inning, but instead of watching the play he was critiquing it with a fan. … After the third out, Damon sprinted toward the dugout slapping hands with fans along the grandstand. It was Damon’s first assist since he recorded two in 2010 for the Tigers. Someone cue the music from the Twilight Zone because they were both against the Angels.”
Paul Hoynes, writer, Cleveland Plain Dealer
GH: I still remember a quote from George Brett after he first saw Damon play as a Royals’ rookie. “He throws like a girl!” How embarrassing for Fat Albert.

“Just had a dream that me, michael jackson, and taylor swift were playing knockout at the sprint center. Really?”
Danny Duffy, @dduffykc23, Royals’ pitcher, Twitter
GH: Duffy might be the most uninhibited pro athlete on Twitter. Follow him before the Royals shut his account down.

“I need to find a tatt artist n dc any help?”
Thomas Robinson, @Trobinson0, former Jayhawk and first-round pick of the NBA’s Sacramento Kings, Twitter
GH: My first thought? Where on TRob’s bod is there space for any more tattoos? Ouch!

“This is the first real social media Games and it’s going to be a feel-as-you-go-along type of thing. It will be interesting to see how [Olympic officials] monitor 10,000 athletes’ social media accounts. I feel I can represent my country and also run a successful business.”
Nick Symmonds, the USA champion in the 800-meter race, on profiting from a temporary tattoo on his shoulder, USA Today
GH: According to USA Today, Symmonds received $11,100 to wear the tattoo. He covered the tattoo during the Olympic Trials in Eugene but it appears he might be willing to test the rules once he is loose on the London stage. Symmonds is worth tuning in to see. He runs like he lives his life, fast and hell bent for victory.

“Growing up in the 90s, I became a hip hop fan. I think I can hang right there with anybody. … No, I do not have any tattoos or piercings. ”
Josh Vernier, new drive-time host on 610 Sports, 610 AM
GH: Milwaukee’s Eminem?

[email protected] and Twitter / greghall24

About Greg Hall

Software guy who has been writing my Off The Couch column in KC newspapers, publications and websites since 1994. Has been bounced from some of the finest media establishments this side of State Line Road. Dad first and everything else second...and there are a lot of everything elses.
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55 Responses to OTC: Mellinger’s List Of All-Star Worsts / KK Wants To Embarrass David Glass

  1. Phaedrus says:

    I think TRob was drafted by the Kings, not the Wiz

  2. john doe says:

    i thought flex robinson went to sacramento?

    • Jim says:

      Thomas

    • Gavin says:

      “Thomas.”

      “Flex.”

      “Hater.”

      “Fuck you.”

      “No. Fuck YOU.”

      “I said ‘fuck you’ first, so my fuck you wins.”

      “Whatever. Coward.”

      “What?”

      “Coward. You walked away from the Border War.”

      “Oh. No. YOU walked away from the Border War.”

      “Fuck you. Beakers suck.”

      “Wait. Are we even in order in this conversation. I thought you were the Mizzou fan.”

      “Oh. Right. Tiggers suck. We had a game on the schedule and you guys walked away. YOU canceled the Border War.”

      “You could easily have easily rescheduled. Besides, you need the money.”

      “Gary Pinkel is a mouth-breathing drunk.”

      “Fuck you. Every kU player smokes either weed or cock.”

      “Nice. You blow your father with that mouth?”

      “Fuck you. You canceled the Border War.”
      “No. YOU canceled the Border War.”

      “Have fun getting ass-pounded by Alabama!”
      “Enjoy gargling UT’s testicles!”

      “Fuck you!”

      “Northern Iowa!”

      “Norfolk State!”

      “Fuck you, you classless piece of shit.”

      “No, fuck you, you jorts-wearing, mullet-sporting meth head.”

      • Jim says:

        In through the nose and out the mouth, Gavin. It will be OK. Appears you have some issues you need to work through.

        • Gavin says:

          Me? I’m fine. I’m just trying to shorthand this whole discussion and save everybody the time and effort of doing it post by post.

          • Jim says:

            Oh. Mmmmmmmm………OK.

          • Cliffy says:

            I got it, Gavin. Jim’s kinda slow.

          • john doe says:

            thanks, that was great, and 100% accurate

          • Gavin says:

            I went out of my way to try and be equally mean to both sides. It appears that Jim is a fellow KU fan. If he missed my point, I’m not sure I like what that says about KU fans.

          • Jim says:

            Yaaaaawn. At least be original, Gavin. Far more interesting to be subtle and clever than obvious and obtuse. Try to keep up, Cliffy. I should have used the sarcasm font so you could have played along with the adults. Sorry about that.

          • Cliffy says:

            OK, Jim. Thanks. (rolling eyes)

          • Jim says:

            Just bustin’ you a bit, Cliffy. It’s all good, Brother.

      • Smartman says:

        OK I just pee’d my pants, well just a little leak, from laughing so hard? Brilliant!

      • Larry Mondello says:

        Greg: Can you just copy and paste this to the top of every blog now? It would really save some time for everyone. Thanks Gavin.

  3. Phaedrus says:

    Parkins and Carrington are unlistenable. I think Parkins is more immature than Niche…which is really saying something.

    • Gavin says:

      My god they really are horrible. 810 lost its signal or something for awhile today and I went over to 610 and I couldn’t take it. I just turned the radio off entirely.

  4. Uncle Dick says:

    They find Baby Lisa floating in the fountains.

    Whitlock farts in the press box and half of the Japanese media contingent dies.

    Sly James’ son gets in a fight with the statue of George Brett and tells Erin Andrews he’ll have her job.

    The Power and Light District admits blacks because they can’t tell the difference between our blacks and visiting blacks.

    Alvin Brooks holds a candle light vigil for Billy Butler.

  5. Smartman says:

    Friend of mine from Boston got in town yesterday. He’s a HUGE sports fan as are his wife, 2 sons and 2 daughters. While we were listening to KK yesterday his 14 year old daughter asked, “Who is that douchebag”?

    We had 30 people at the house last night, brought bbq in from Gates, Bryant’s, Brobeck’s, Smokin’ Guns and Rosedale. Lot’s and lots of Tito’s vodka! Over the course of the evening they conversed with guests and heard all the tales of woe of the Kings, Scouts, Royals and Chiefs. After all the guests had left and we were getting ready to call it a night he looked at his 10 year old son and asked , “Whadya think buddy?” He replied in the sweet innocent voice only a ten year old can have, ” I’m glad we live in Boston and not here. I can’t deal with all the losers”.

    • Greg Hall says:

      Smartman, Sounds like we all missed one helluva party! Love the variety of BBQ. Did you have to make multiple stops to gather all that Q or did you send out messengers? What was the consensus of the Bostonians on which BBQ was their favorite? Did they go with sauce or naked? Did you take them inside Gates to get yelled at?

      While we do deal with an inordinate and unfair amount of losing by our sports teams here in KC, we tell great stories. You are an excellent example of that trait. One of these days our stories may even have a happy ending. I hope your friends have a great time while they are here. Sure wish it was cooler, but they can just pretend it’s Patriot’s Day 2012 – I remember that as a rather warm one.

      • Smartman says:

        Greg: If they had to choose only one joint the Fisher’s of bean town would pick Bryant’s…but for the FRIES more than anything else. Me, I prefer Rosedale for fries.

        They put sauce on EVERYTHING! THEY have to put the sauce on though. I placed the pick up orders at each place, paid for them and assigned guests to pick them up on the way to our house.

        Whenever we have guests in town that wanna do the BBQ experience thing we grab grub from all over. It’s like a food orgy. Mike and Carol had been to gates before. They did take the kids to get the HI MAY I HELP YOU TREATMENT. The kids barely noticed.

        This family is sports crazy. They split season tickets with two other families to the Sox, Pats, Bruins and Celts. All the kids are active in sports year round. Their oldest daughter, Molly is a very, very good tennis player, and their oldest boy, Brent is a scratch golfer. This is definitely a family that plays together.

    • Cliffy says:

      Nice story! (rolling eyes again)

  6. Jeff says:

    Oklahoma Joes wasn’t founded in Oklahoma, it was founded in KC. Oklahoma Joe’s smoker co. was a partner but the founder is from KC. Check out the website, there is a history tab.

    • Greg Hall says:

      Jeff,
      But somebody in that group had to have Oklahoma roots, right? I have always found the name to be odd since it wasn’t a chain brought here from Oklahoma. A Nebraska Furniture Mart in Kansas doesn’t make much sensed either but at least we can understand their origin.

      I sampled a Z-Man sandwich at the new OJ’s in Leawood on Thursday, during their first day open to the public. Food, service and ambiance was all excellent. It was like they’d been open two years. Sad to hear they have said that this is their final store in KC. The Northland could sure use what they’ve got.

      • Jim says:

        Greg, nooooooo! The Northland is already beginning to resemble OP, KS. Progress is one thing. Urban sprawl is quite another.

        • Greg Hall says:

          Jim,
          Still plenty of cows and pasture in my (red)neck of the Northland. I could handle a few more smoked cattle on a plate.

          • Observer says:

            And, we’ll keep the pasture land just as it is in our little neck of the Northland, thank you very much, Greg. I don’t think we’re far from each other up here in BlueJay territory. But, we are getting a Longboards which I am so totally stoaked about. If you want the best grilled wrap, now we’ll have the place – here in Liberty. What is Longboards? Think Polynesian gansta style grilled wraps. Off the hook, brah.

          • Jim says:

            I’ll take the pastures and cows over any BBQ joint. I’ve watched the Northland’s “progress” over the last 50+ years. Some of it great, some of it not so great. Nothing wrong with open spaces….

      • Jeff says:

        Oklahoma Joes started as a Competiton BBQ team, The slaughterhouse five. Jeff, the-founder became friends with a the owner of Oklahoma Joes smoker Company and they were partners for a year or two before the owner of oj smoker company sold his shares to Jeff and oj smoker co went out of business in 97. So there is a little Oklahoma influence, but not really as it is based here.

  7. rbt says:

    Re Danny Duffy, the Royals actually strongly encourage their players to be active in social media, esp Twitter.

  8. rick says:

    Here is what I have ALREADY heard from out of towners.

    WTF is the deal with all the roadway construction!!!!!! Did they not know they were having the All Star game and visitors come to town? This applies to both sides of the state line. City and state leaders are IDIOTS. They had tons of time to get crap done or not schedule it when it would give us a Black Eye. Just DUMB F*CKS.

  9. Merle Tagladucci says:

    Beltran is now a Cardinal so he has zero chance of getting any love. Melky was only here one season but he has Jonathan Sanchez’s fallout to overcome. Both probably get Canoed.

    Now we’re booing Melky? And you think Bob Fescoe would make us look stupid.

    • dman says:

      Am I mistaken, or didn’t Beltran get a decent reception when the Cardinals came to town a little while back?

      It’s not like it was his fault he left – the Royals traded him away – the same as Melky.

      Greg, I don’t think you give Royals fans enough credit for their baseball knowledge – they know what’s going on and who is pulling the strings, and it isn’t the players. The players (in general) aren’t the ones asking for trades.

      • Cliffy says:

        You’re right. I was at the Friday night Cardinals/Royals game in KC and there was no Beltran booing that I could hear. But of course, the crowd was half St Louis fans.

      • Greg Hall says:

        One guy we can likely all agree who needs to get booed is David Glass. Did anyone hear his interview on 610’s midday show today where he walked off? Carrington and Parkins asked him about his commitment to building a winner here in KC and he is said to have abruptly ended the interview and walked away. I don’t see any sign of the audio on 610’s website and I am guessing we will not. Censorship lives when it comes to 610, Rex and the Royals.

        • DRitt says:

          Glass balked at mention of the ‘finances’ that would be doled-out in “Building a competitive franchise.” I thought the interview was pretty good– Parkins asked pertinent questions, Glass just seemed to get more and more uncomfortable as the interview continued.

        • Brian says:

          At what point in the show did the interview with David Glass occur? I was driving back from the lake so was not in listening range at that point. I’d like to see if it is in one of the full show podcasts.

  10. Phaedrus says:

    There’s a transcript on one of the threads @ royalsreview.com. I dont now if its a full or partial transcript, but imo parkins asked stupid questions…”what do you say to people that want you to sell the team?”. How are you supposed to answer that? If i were Glass (70 yr old self-made billionaire) and some 24 yr old idiot asked me that, i’d be pissed too.

    Seems to me a much better line of questioning would be, 1) congrats on getting the allstar game to kc, blah,blah,blah. 2) you’ve made a much bigger commitment to the minors in recent years…what changed from the baird years? 3) if the kids perform, are you willing to go out in the fa market to get the final pieces? 4) how large of a payroll can this town support? 5) are you getting impatient with he “process”? Any truth to the rumors that you may sell the team? Etc

    A little sugar goes a long way…especially when you are talking to someone 50 yrs older than you.

    • Juan De Guzman says:

      subtlety does not appear to be part of the Wright-Parkins school of talkshow hosting repertoire. Neither does wit, intelligence or insight.

    • Gavin says:

      I agree with you, Phaedrus, about how Parkins should have handled that interview. But I do wonder about whether David Glass is a “self-made” billionaire. Sam Walton was a self-made billionaire. It strikes me that David Glass was another Sam Walton-made billionaire, less than a David Glass-made billionaire.

      • Phaedrus says:

        I read Walton’s book, “Made in America” a few years ago and as I recall, he had some good things to say about Glass.

        I don’t know enough to say, but perhaps WalMart wouldn’t have grown as much as it did without Glass (in which case Walton & Glass would be a lot poorer).

  11. Doug says:

    Greg,

    Did you hear David Glass walk out on an interview on 610 Friday morning. Tough questions and Glass bailed, great stuff!

  12. Splitlog Quindaro says:

    Am I understanding this correctly? Did George Brett make a crack that references a debilitating disease?

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